Beware of a partner’s need to torture you and make you feel guilty

When you feel miserable in a job, you can change it relatively easily – simply by resigning. When a miserable circumstance occurs in your life and it is impossible to change it, you can at least change the way you think about it – view the same thing positively. When your partner deliberately causes you to feel miserable, it is hard to leave or to view it positively. Because if you love (i.e. need) the other person sincerely, but he is mainly tormenting you, it is similar to your own heart failing. Most senses can still be deceived at that moment. Because they are reaching for happy past memories. For example, the eyes can see the cabinet which your partner assembled. Your hands touch an old gift he bought you. Your ears still hear your friends and colleagues praising him. And all the senses shout in chorus: “He can’t only be bad!” But the heart never participates in the game of self-deceit, because it clearly feels the negative energy and pressure. Negative energy is very powerful. Its power is definitive. When negative energy rules, everything positive is paralysed.
All the plans, conceptions and objectives you ever had do not matter. When negative energy leads, simply nothing happens. And, moreover, if something does happen, the negative energy causes you to doubt that you have ever done anything. This negative energy can be emitted from a partner who unilaterally enjoys emphasising everything you have ever lost, and, on the other hand, disparaging everything you have ever achieved. He reminds you of all your failures and ignores all the achievements you should be proud of. You can never see this evil with the eyes. The ears even confirm what you see. But the heart painfully perceives the destructive force. It knows that the partner is trying to make you feel guilty. So that you succumb to the feeling of being worthless. After such a negative attack, you always feel worse, often with a lack of energy. Suddenly you cannot appreciate his strong points – your partner deprived you of a belief in them. He crushed everything about which you felt confident. In such relationships, people lose self-confidence, become exhausted and paradoxically are dependent on the person who hurt them so much. How is it possible? They simply get used to being defined by him. The partner informs them who they are and what they are incapable of. Understandably, such a partner is lying. Because all of us have not only weaknesses but also strengths. Together, they make us whole. And weaknesses are not to our detriment, because what we are worth is based especially on how we overcome our inadequacies. Each person has some. That is also why each relationship has its imperfections. In a relationship with a future, partners work on the elimination of drawbacks. It is not important who is better paid or educated in a relationship. One person with a higher social status is not superior to the other person in a relationship. On the contrary. To some extent, the stronger partner is responsible for the weaker one. In a relationship we must support the other person, lift him up when he falls, or even lie down with him if he cannot yet stand up on his own —your partner should never be left alone on the ground.
Petr Casanova
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