Do not try to change yourself to suit your partner
One of the basic human needs, to which you have already been accustomed since childhood, is being appreciated. But it is even more important to deserve appreciation. A long-lasting solution never consists of altering yourself to suit another person and harvesting false praise for doing so. Because sooner or later you will realise that the praise is not for you, but for the model you imitate. And you begin to feel awkward. It is no wonder, as you have stopped being yourself in the meantime. You begin to lose your own uniqueness, your self-worth. You are beneficial to a partner if you supplement what he lacks. You can find this out by observation or – if he is willing to communicate with you – by asking him about it. This is the best way to discover what your partner lacks, what he desires, and whether you are able to fill those empty spaces yourself. “Being able” reflects not only the current situation, but all your possible future improvements – your willingness to work on yourself.
Every “yes” for the benefit of a relationship is a meaningful promise which you should keep. It is nothing less, but also nothing more than a word which must be supported by a deed. If you do not fulfil what you promised your partner, or at least if you do not sincerely try to make it come true, you signal to your partner that your word has no value. Actually, just like you. A partner does not need you to change yourself to suit him. On the contrary, he will appreciate you more if you are yourself. Because only then can he achieve what he might not have without you.