Remove the bars
We like to delude ourselves: He is mine alone, she is mine alone. But the reality is fittingly expressed by the anecdote: “I asked the magic mirror who in the world is prettier than me.” “And what did the mirror say?” “It is still belching out names.” Reconcile yourself to it. There will always be somebody younger, older, richer, poorer, slimmer, stronger. You can do all you like with your figure, but this is not what a successful relationship rests on. A partner does not have to find a perfect match. It is enough if he finds a match which he perceives as perfect. We all seek a person to make us happier than anybody else. But happiness is not to be found in a stifling relationship. What is valuable about a partner who must return home every evening? Is not the partner who wants to return home every evening, more valuable?
Let’s try not to make an obligation out of love. If obligation is eliminated, sincerity remains. So don’t be afraid that your partner will not return. At least, start creating an environment to which he likes to return. At least communicate and together find compromises that are acceptable to both, not only to one. Yes, removing the bars means risking that he will leave at any time. But if your partner leaves, it is never necessary to wonder whether the relationship with him had any prospects. By his action, he has saved you time. To remove the bars means to eliminate all speculations, assumptions and gloomy visions. The one who returns to a relationship to which he does not have to return, answers the assumed question very clearly. And only one remains: Do I have the certainty that he will never leave? In a healthy relationship, partners do not have this certainty. That is why they work on the relationship. Without bars, we very quickly discover to whom we are sincerely valuable, and to whom not. As long as your parents are alive, you do not need anyone else to take care of you. As long as you have friends, you don’t need anyone else to comfort you. But regardless of parents and friends, you need somebody to lean on. Just like that, without any reason. Such support is provided by a partner who stays with you, despite being able to leave you at any time.